While reading a mail one of my class-mates had posted two days back in the official website of our batch in medical college,I couldn't but feel frustrated.Not because of the message the mail delivered taking a couple of leaves out of the lastest hit movie,"3 Idiots",but of an anguish that a special group of three dozen young men and women belonging to Mumbai could not read the mail when they required to.
As everybody ushered in the new year and the decade with heart-warming hope and fresh dreams,one particular news on page 11 of The Times of India(1st.January,2010) looked like a dampener amongst the positive news and pictures of celebration of the new year which surrounded it.It carried the news of a 18 year old girl who had hung herself on the last day of the last year.As I frowned upon the news scrutinizing the details,a deep sense of morbidity engulfed me.
This is not the first time I am writing about suicides in this forum(I had shared my feelings with all of you,writing about a reality show on TV which had sparked off a couple of suicides-though I vehemently reserve my opinion from that of general public that the show was responsible for them),it doesn't feel normal at all when a strong urge pushes me to comment on the same topic in such a short time.In fact,a couple of not-so-distant relatives had taken strong objection to my earlier post here where I had mentioned my mother's death,as they felt that I had unfairly publicised a shameful episode of the family(a stigma which,I think,shall pursue me to hell,when I try to move ahead in life and time albeit leaving a few bridges burning behind me),I couldn't react to their objections with anything but pity(whose mother was she anyway?).
I am swaying away from what compels me to write today with a heavy heart.An isolated incident does not signify anything.But when a staggering 37 suicides made their way to the papers in the last 20 days in Mumbai blood,one feels something is wrong somewhere.And I wonder what.
These 37 young people were not connected to each other in any way-so the media comments while reporting the 37th.episode on 20th.January.If the media,the voice(and the controller too)of the emotions of the public,leaves its comment at that,I am afraid more news shall keep coming in and more families will loose a kid for a reason they won't seem to know.Apart from the mode of death,these kids have got One thing in common.They all read about preceding suicides in the newspapers which the print media seems to be bent on covering in the most graphic of details,dissecting them to the core,showing the anguished faces of the parents and quoting their comments first hand.If the media justifies its actions by declaring that the graphic descriptions will act to deter such episodes by drilling into people's mind the sorrow and mourning they create,it is wrong and horribly so.
Children emulate what they see.The on-going spate of suicides among city-kids proves that it takes very little to push stressed out teenagers over the edge.It is time that journos did some serious reading before carrying on reporting.I give them a cue if they need it-let them check out everything that has been written under the sun,in books of psychology,every little thing mentioned under the capital letter 'C'.I am sure they will hit Copycat Syndrome in no time,if of course they will choose to see the C.Apart from Child Psychology,the syndrome covers Industrial Psychology,Sports Psychology and sadly extends to suicide as well-something which seems to being validated by this string of suicides-I deliberately mention the word 'string' because they are connected,at least so I think.
Copycat Syndrome seems to prevail in situations when somebody identifies with an act,feels a sense of belonging towards the person committing the act,and goes ahead to infer that it IS the right thing to do.Children and teenagers on the brink,take these repeated instances as an act and sign of glorification.They believe that the act(suicide,in this context)will provide definite answers to their existing problems,or at least attract a much-needed attention to their woes.Do I need to proceed further to justify my fitting these unfortunate deaths to this syndrome?
All 37 kids were depressed because of failure(at least so they thought),the failure to pass an examination,the failure to secure good marks in certain subjects,and the failure to make their parents proud and happy.I do not wish to comment on how parents should handle their children when they face rejection and failure.If parents love their child unconditionally with identifying recognition and respect,and are really attached to their children's emotions,there wouldn't rise a situation in the first place when they shall need to be counselled on how to handle them.But as a child grows up,interacts with its surroundings,and comes in contact with 'peers',the element of unconditionality starts to disappear from the parents' affectionate attention.While,in today's digitally controlled globalising world where making successful careers seem to have become synonymous with rat-races,parents themselves feel the social pressure of achieving at any cost,come face to face with competitions(and obvious failures-there cannot be two winners at the same time in the same race),they try to ensure that failure(inconsistent and temporary)shall not exist in their children's lives as they try to feel success and achievements through their children's performances.The harm this attitude causes in the long run may not be intentional in most cases,but the accountability can be definitely traced back to its origin,and that is expectations of Perfection from and subsequent pressurization on their children to achieve the near-impossible.The burden the children thus carry around is very,very heavy,and ultimately circumstances do demand a heavy price from the parent-child relationship.If we do not consciously own up to this fact and want to avoid the morbidity of criticism where accountability for a child's desperate action is traced back to the parents' attitude,we are making a big,big mistake,and an expensive one too.
The media cannot outrun its responsibility either.Reporting the Truth is one thing,while reporting the truth sensibly with a touch of empathetic sensitivity is another.If it cannot prioritize here,it shall have many more such news to report in future-a possibility that is grossly unwanted.The question is : are we prepared to learn?
In these cases,the First Thing that the media should do is to do away with Detailing.In the news reports,if children and young adults read detailed descriptions of the methodology applied,complemented with visuals of parents grieving,it can potentially instigate them the same,as somewhere in their heart if they hold their parents responsible for the pressure they face,they would want to see their parents in a similar situation.When one is under stress and duress,the cognitive section tends to be tilted towards the negative.Also,seeing the victims' names and photographs being covered in the media helps the young minds identify with them,providing them with further encouragement to copy the act.(For this reason,the World Health Organization provides explicit guidelines regarding the extent of permissible identification of victims in media channels).
Another 'trigger' that comes to my mind at the moment,is the prevailing education system.Children today,instead of attending one school for learning,are actually attending multiple schools if one keeps in mind the schools they go to every morning,the private tuition classes,the extracurricular classes,the study sessions with parents-it is a long list.This means compromising with their playtime-something which is one of the most potent antidepressants.I am neither a clinical psychologist nor a psychiatrist to declare this seemingly sweeping fact,but I AM a doting father who is trying to build a life-long relationship with a daughter who is still toddling and hasn't developed speech yet.I also know that one day she will no longer be with me when she will have her own personal life,build her own relationships and shall try to take on life head-on.If I am not sensitive to my child's fear and insecurity,and do not prepare her for the future in the most correct of ways,who will be?If I am not willing to take lessons from my own surroundings and be honest with it in an effort to guide my child towards the Right and and the Righteous,I do not think I am being a responsible father at all.
While commenting on parent-child relationship and the existing education system,I cannot but state in bold letters that lack of attention and emotional contact with the loved one is another major trigger here.I don't think our education system gives adequate attention to the teaching community or addresses the factors involved in their well-being.Nobody should expect their long working hours for paltry salaries to pay adequate attention to children,not to forget the bursting headcount in each classroom which makes it humanly impossible to give adequate attention to every child individually.It is perhaps time that we took care of our children's care-takers.
Are we burdening our children with our obsessive expectations for high exam scores?We get the answer in statistics(which is not always the superlative extreme of lies and utter lies).India accounts for 10% of the world's teenage suicides.It is time that we conducted ourselves to make our children feel that our love for them is not dependant on success,but our approval is dependant on their effort to success which is itself a relative term.
All children possess unique attributes that make them special.As responsible parents we should identify those,perhaps to celebrate with them one day.
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