My heart pumped in frenzied speed as I defended bridges with my paratrooper friends in war-torn French towns in the Atlantic coast till angelic fighter-planes appeared on the eastern horizon at the break of dawn to bombard the faceless devils who carried those ominous flags flashing the cruel emblem of the Swastika,and kept Richard Attenborough and James Coburn imprisoned in the Nazi camps with audacious cruelty.
I did not understand the history and geogaphy of real war then..all I wanted to be was a brave soldier who would fight for the sake of glory,to defend the sacred tricolour which I had learnt to rever as a member of the brave assembly(assembled for no apparent reason)that constituted of like-minded friends in school and in the neighborhood.We wanted to be in the uniforms in which our heroes saluted past the tricolour in thumping steps of perfect precision.We fantasised about driving those tanks that marched past a saluting president and flying those aeroplanes that glimmed in the silver haze of the morning sun of a special January winter-day.
Those dreams did not die with us growing up.Years later I shivered with same passion when Charlie Sheen & William Dafoe fought in the tropical monsoon forests in Vietnam.I cried even as a precocious teenager when I saw Tom Hanks and Tom Sizemore went down saving Ryan who lived to tell the story of Captain John Miller who fought so that Matt Damon could go home.
But those dreams haved ceased to be.One has been continuously bombarded with drastic media exposes of Scams of all colours,shapes&sizes over the last few weeks.Amongst other things,the phenomenon,of an unprecedented low depth continues to leave a very bad taste,of a novel obnoxity,in the mouth.The common Indian wonders with a hesitant insecurity about the "meaning" of,and the qualitative dimensions of the yardsticks of Propriety that guides the contemporary Indian society is proceeding to evolve.
It all started with the Commomwealth Games-an misadventure worth Rs.74000 crores of which approximately 45% has been allegedly looted by the bigwigs of the Organising Committee.Though two big bureaucratic heads have rolled recently,the actual kingpin remains untouched to this very moment,and continues to represent India's hopes for a successful bid for the summer Olympics in eight years' time,bringing the country to Shame&forcing us Indians to kneel down,our heads hanging in helpless embarrassment.
The next big shocker hit us even more strongly in the form of the "Kargil for Profit" scam as the media has labelled to refer to.The shock is a strong one as it involves the Indian Armed Forces,one of the very few institutions that has managed to keep itself untouched & unaffected since Independance,by Corruption-a chronic malady that has eaten its way into the collective consciousness of the country to its bare bones,and that has continued to grow in parallel proportions with the nation's growing mature over the last 63years.(Though none of us,from all generations,past or present can and should want to absolve our own self from the sin of letting the process develop to the extent of no-return,thus going into a vicious cycle, by repeatedly taking part in self-confessed farcical acts of mockery called "Elections"-there were corrupt people in the high offices of governance because they were elected by us in the first place,and repeatedly so.)
The clean character of the Indian army has continued to serve as a secure back-rest for the insecure Indian mind whenever it had felt forlorn of all hope,its conscience pricked to bleed mainly by the poiltical misadventures that our Parliament & State Assemblies had been witnesses to,over the decades.And now the Indian population feels grossly betrayed by this institution which it has literally worshipped to the extent of having been preconditioned to a jingoistic mindstate which has seen itself providing huge chunks of tax-payer's money willfully for its survival and maintainence whenever the yearly budget had demanded a high figure,not to forget brave people of indomitable courage have chosen martyrdom with proud spontaneity,fighting the Enemy across international borders,and within.And the newly exposed villains have conspired,With audacious nepotism,to amass unholy wealth of gargantuan proportions.It will take our armed forces a lot of time and very special,specific efforts to restore the pride and trust in our minds which it used to command once upon a time.
Today I have grown up into a man who lives each day securing a sefish happiness with Compromise that seems to have become a part of my set of "virtues",the same coward compromise I silently loathed as a child once upon a time.I have successfully learnt to accommodate Corruption within my conscience.I don't react to these media exposes anymore.It is because I haved ceased to dream.I have ceased to provide room for the dreamy child I once used to be.I have learnt to barter and buy fragile peace & security for my family.People around me are happy with things as they are.
After all dreams lead one to nowhere.I have learnt to say,"All is well."..
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